Have I expressed my utter love for this story? And how you need to update more? *nudges*
I think the transition from looking for birds to seeing the Detective was rushed and confusing. I think the whole Roc part was a little rushed, and I can see you did that because it came upon them suddenly, but maybe have more dialogue? I don't know, it all seemed fast until them sleeping together.
Other than that though, wondiferious (my made up word) as always.
(I'm trying to give more constructive concrit, so sorry if it sounds harsh. I just have a hard time saying what I mean sometimes.) This is why I can't critic. I feel bad. xP
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-02 02:46 am (UTC)And how you need to update more? *nudges*
I think the transition from looking for birds to seeing the Detective was rushed and confusing. I think the whole Roc part was a little rushed, and I can see you did that because it came upon them suddenly, but maybe have more dialogue? I don't know, it all seemed fast until them sleeping together.
Other than that though, wondiferious (my made up word) as always.
(I'm trying to give more constructive concrit, so sorry if it sounds harsh. I just have a hard time saying what I mean sometimes.)
This is why I can't critic. I feel bad. xP